Awkward Moments in Public Washrooms

Washrooms are generally an uneventful place, but at times they can be somewhat awkward.  As a high school student, I worked at The Bay in the Oshawa Centre, and apparently its washroom had developed quite a reputation throughout the previous twenty years.  Customers for some reason felt the need to explain to me about the “activities” that apparently went on in there.  I recall one old man saying to me “You know, twenty years ago, if you came into this store and headed straight into the men’s washroom, you’d be looked upon with great suspicion”.  He then proceeded to explain his bafflement as to why men would do “that” with plenty of women around; poor logic, but oh well.  There was also a sign outside the washroom that read “illegal activity in washrooms is strictly prohibited”.  One day two women walked by it and one and remarked “Too many gays”.  Interesting attitudes, considering this was only about ten years ago.  Keeping in mind that this was in Oshawa, the sign could have been referring to drug use, but people seemed to find the first more interesting and worthy of gossip, considering "cottaging" has been a taboo activity dating back centuries; ironically popularized recently by social conservative US senator Larry Craig.  

I personally saw nothing strange while working there for four years; only hearing from one of the maintenance workers that apparently one of the “regulars” that wandered our store each day got his head stuck under the sink while trying to get a drink, and also proceeded to beg an off-duty police officer for change (with his pants down).  This story didn’t surprise me that much.  The guy looked like Jon Bon Jovi if he’d been dragged behind the tour bus for a few blocks, and with looks aside, he did some odd things like stand and stare into the security camera for up to ten minutes straight at times, or start small fires in other parts of the mall.  The head in the sink part, I just find humourous for some odd reason.

This brings me to my next point about washrooms; urinal etiquette.  This topic has come up a few times recently for some reason.  As a guy, public washrooms can be somewhat of an awkward place when urinals come into play.  As I was explaining to someone recently, if there are three urinals in a washroom, the common thing to do is to leave one in between yourself and the other patron.  If this is not possible, displaying proper etiquette would be to simply use the stall.  Friends who I’ve discussed this with also agreed with this system.  It has nothing to do with being homophobic, it’s just sort of an unwritten rule about the men's washroom and personal space.

Now if someone deviates from these rules, it’s not a big deal really.  The only reason I’m posting this is due to some rather odd instances I’ve encountered by those who don’t conform to these rules.  The first instance being at the Hunt Club Royal Oak pub in Ottawa.  In the middle of a night of drinking, I went into the washroom and had a rather odd and almost intimidating character come up and use the urinal right beside me.  I had previously seen this individual when I first entered the pub.  He donned a black eye patch; with the aesthetics of a Jack Sparrow or Captain Hook.  Feeling a little awkward, and purposely trying not to pay attention to his theatrical-looking eye patch, I froze, and couldn’t “go” so to speak.  Then, things got even more uncomfortable.  He turned and looked at me, already demonstrating poor etiquette and remarked “You got a plug in that dick?  Piss and get it over with”.  I was speechless; almost in disbelief  He then proceeded to leave the washroom (I don’t recall him washing his hands either…)  As I came back to my table to continue drinking, I suppose I had an odd look on my face, and my roommate proceeded to grill me on what happened.  He said “You have no poker face, something happened in that washroom”.  So I had to then explain my encounter with the uh “Eye Patch Guy”.  Eye patch or not, this guy was  totally inappropriate!

The second awkward situation was also in Ottawa at The Cock and Lion pub on Sparks Street.  I was standing at a urinal once again, and a rather intoxicated patron came to the corresponding urinal (unfortunately there were no partitions this time either) and proceeds to say to me “Nice penis”… Once again, I was speechless, and don’t recall giving any sort of response.  Whether he was joking or serious, looked or didn’t look, that was kind of out of line.  Then, when I returned to my table, his friends and my friends were somehow involved in a conversation of some medium, so much for getting away.  Seriously, I’ve seen this sort of stuff in movies, but didn’t think that it actually happens in “Real Life”.  Let’s not exempt stalls though either, they can create awkwardness too.  Recently, when I tried using one of those, the first one was bolted shut (for unknown reasons), and someone was taking forever in the other.  Then, finally the door opened, and not one but two large guys exited, very casually.  I’m still not sure how that stall accommodated two large people, but they can also fit twenty in a Volkswagen, so....  Still, I’ve yet to see anyone shooting up in a washroom, so maybe I really haven't seen that much oddness.